Confessions of a Former Olympian...Currently Serving as a Mom

~The Battle to Balance What I did with What I Want My Kids to Do

And the 3 things I’ve learned

To say that preparing for the Olympics was hard work is a “SUB” understatement. If there is a word or phrase for the ultimate long-term four-year sacrifice...please email and edify me.

To give up friends, family, food and fun for four straight years should have every Olympian immediately promoted to sainthood, martyrdom or one should receive 10,000 likes on their latest social media post. All of those are just about on equal standing, right?

When you have been an elite athlete for a large part of your life it’s hard to stop grinding, even if you (or your body) are done with the sport (whichever comes first).

Former athletes go through a weird withdrawal. We bring that carry-over energy to our first job we get after we’re done with training. We work long hours and compete with people and or things that we really don’t need to compete with:

Who cares if you finish peeing before the person in the stall next to you?

Fast forward and we, former Olympians, have children. And I’m sure many of us tell ourselves that we’ll allow our children to be who they innately are or suppose to be. And I’m sure many of us continue the fantasy of allowing the universe to guide their destiny and they will naturally manifest to whoever they are meant to be. HA!

I followed along with my intention to grant my daughters the freedom to be who they were destined to be- for seven long years. To prove my commitment with myself I had my girls participate in several sports...except for track and field.

Why did I purposefully avoid having my girls run? Because I was or am (not sure which is the most appropriate tense to use these days) a 2x track Olympian (the sport which I qualified for the Atlanta 1996 and the Sydney 2000 Games).

So when my daughters did gymnastics, played soccer and participated in taekwondo or competed in swimming, I was able to be completely an observer, like a real supportive parent- from the stands and everything. During this dormant stage, I was even able to throw my girls in some All-Comers meets sponsored by the Atlanta Track Club and I actually enjoyed myself.

For 7 long years I was able to be that parent, who cheered from the sideline.

BUT THEN!

Then the Pandemic of 2020 struck. And all of our connectivity to their sports and activities ceased. OMG! What’s a mom (former Olympian) to do?

I took the kids out on the track. Made sense to me. Wide open space. We all could get in some much needed physical activity. Right?

First. We did a little jogging. Everyone at their own pace.

Next. I noticed myself starting to coach a little: “Bounce on the ball of your feet,” “move your arms from the shoulder and keep your elbows at 90 degrees,” “keep your head straight,” “dip at the finish!”

Finally. The stopwatch and cones came out. OMG. I can’t help myself!

Time to buy a stopwatch and spikes! UHG!!

It was like inertia. A sleeping beast inside of me, and I couldn’t resist it. It emerged from within me as soon as I put myself in my element. On the track.

I could no longer be that parent who sat on the sidelines and cheered. I critiqued. I pushed. I motivated. And I pushed a little more.

I felt the need for them to be great, not that I didn't want them to be great in their other sports, but being on the track facilitated my emotional connection to their actual potential greatness. I started projecting into the future and thinking about them participating in the Junior Olympics. All within the space of a week.

Am I out of control?

It made me think of the things we hold onto as parents and what we push and project unto our kids. For example dance-moms or tiger-parents who have that internal drive but lack the self-reflection to balance what we did with what we want our children to do.

So I asked myself: how do we balance pushing our dreams on our kids with letting them live out their own dream?

Here’s what I found in Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s book The Conscious Parent:

Each of us imagines we are being the best parent we can be, and most of us are indeed good people who feel great love for our children. It certainly isn’t out of a lack of love that we impose our will on our children. Rather, it stems from a lack of consciousness. The reality is that most of us are unaware of the dynamics that exist in the relationship we have with our children.
Love and truth are simple. Parenting is not that complicated or difficult once we become conscious because a conscious person is naturally loving and authentic.
When we relate to our children by honoring who they are at any given moment, we can teach them to honor themselves. If we seek to shift them from their present state, altering their behavior to meet our approval we convey the message that their authentic being is inadequate. Our children then begin to adopt a persona, which takes them away from who they really are.

I hope this helps. Please reflect and leave a comment. I’d love to get some dialogue going.